The power of Disclaimers.

So. The topic today will be on...
DISCLAIMERS(Please note that the current lecturer has no experience on this topic and is just bullshitting his way around.)(Please also note that he is not a certified lecturer)
Disclaimers.
What are they you ask?
Well if you break the word up into its components, Dis and Claimer, you would realize that it sounds like diss claimer. Which means that you are dissing (or insulting) a claimer or aforementioned claim.
So the purpose of these disclaimers is just to rebuff all the false evidence said probably a sentence or two above.


For example...
A STANDARD TELEVISION COMMERCIAL.
Hello! Are you having problems with boredom in your life?
Do you need company? Or do you look like your face did a high-five with a bus three times?
Well don't worry! Send twenty-nine ninety-nice to the ninja blog at www.clementandjasperxzz.blogspot.com!
(Disclaimer : Oh course we won't keep you company, nor provide you with actual entertainment for you to read. But we can ensure that your face gets smashed in by a bus a fourth time! But rest assured, we will benefit from your money that we are scamming from you!)


And that my friends, is a successful disclaimer. Of course it would ideally be WAY smaller but blogger doesn't offer a smaller font these days. (Supposedly to counter disclaimers)(But we don't have any real evidence of this)

So this is today's short news article by the reporter/hot/ninja/hot/smart/hot/blogger/hot Clement!
Thank your for your time.


(Do note that after reading this, you will have to send us fifty dollars or i will personally sue to pants off you)(Just kidding!!)

STEW-PIG NINJAS!

HI GUUYXZ. Finally a new post huh. Sorry for not updating this little ninja blog for so very long. I know what you're thinking, it is not Clement's fault. He has his complications )': Even I have mine!


Clement went to Australia for a week with his family without bringing me alonggggg. I was so disheartened. It was probably the most miserable week of my life.. Just probably..


But NAHHHHH, he's back in town and kicking nuts like a nutkicking monkey now!!! PLUS, the olevels are already long over, we have time in our ninja hands.. (*=*)


Here are some interesting pictures! Click to enlarge.

THIS GUY'S NAME IS JASPER CLEMENT! I AM SERIOUS.



disclaimer: these pictures only look like real pictures; they are actually fake and therefore no ripping from any website etc.

Guess what day it is!

It is... 08/11/09!
Which happens to be a Sunday!
Which is the day before monday
and the day after saturday!
Alot of coincidences!
But you know what is the greatest coincidence?!
It's Jasper's birthday!!(No, Jasper is not cool enough to have the day named as Jasper's Day, unlike Clement)
So go call him now and wish him happy birthday!
And yeah he promises to post soon as the O levels are ending!
So hold on tight and await the posts!

WHY ARE THESE NINJAS SO LAZY?!?!?!

Thats what you scream when you, as a loyal fan log into the website and realise that there is no new update!

Well to tell you, there is only one reason why we are not posting!

'I know lah. Its the O levels right!' You exclaim with a wearied sigh.

Well, i have to admit, YOU ARE WRONG!!!!!!

We have been busy training at an uber ultra hyper super great master alpha beta gamma omega secret training school! Which is very near our school! (Translation : We have been busy filming nonsensical stuff at a undisclosed location after our classes.)

These secret training videos will be releasesed as soon as Clement manages to get his memory card back from his teacher.

What do I mean by this?

=======================================

Long long ago, yesterday to be exact, there was an omega ninja.

Who grew so bored in class that he could not help checking the time every 5 seconds during class.

Unfortunately for him, he was being spied on by a non-ninja, who did not understand that all ninjas are hyperactive and have a short attention span. (HAH! BET YOU DIDN'T KNOW THAT TOO!)

'Whats that you are holding! Are youy doing something illegal?' The non-ninja exclaimed.

'No i'm not! I am just checking the time! Illegally!' I retorted back. (For all you non-zhonghuarians out there, taking your handphone out within school premises is a offense warranting the death sentence. Of your phone!)

'I knew it! I knew it! I knew it!!!!!! Go put your illegal object that warrants a death sentence on my table! I am confiscating it!'

And that is the tale of how the ninja videos got confiscated.

Oh. And we two ninjas have found a new master to coach us, but that is a story for another time....

=======================================

Well that pretty much sums up the series of unfortunate events for yesterday. (actually there was only one event but a series DOES sound cooler, don't you agree?)

So the moral of the story is.... When you film something, do not procrastinate till the very last second when your phone with all the videos gets confiscated so you have no way to post them!

And thus disappoint all of you super cool fans! But don't worry, Jasper will be compensating everyone who has visited this blog in the last few days without reading something new!

Omega Ninja, OUT!

"The Shang Yi Song" featuring.. BRANDON ANG!

just some entertainment. this song is performed by Brandon Ang, and is dedicated to 4E5's beloved class monitor, Shang Yi. [if you haven't already seen it on facebook (or if you do not have a facebook account to see it)]

<3

"This is it!" yelled Clement.

Jasper and Clement are currently on a very hazardous journey.

To find clement's hidden and sacred voice.

This mission will be called, the MISSIONMUSIKMONSTERBUTTERFLY.

The objective of this mission is to catch a butterfly, turn it into a monster, feed it to clement and watch him burp before puking into jasper's mouth, where jasper will grind the barf particles to even finer bits and then let it trickle into clement's mouth again and down his throat and then he swallows an egg and churns his stomach to blend in the egg with the vomit before forcing it out and into jasper's mouth again, in the mean time recording every sound they made.

In other words, they will be making music!

So stay tuned.

And of course, they will still be updating weekly(hopefully) while on this mission. so, <3

The aforementioned and promised photos.

Just jumped up to the railing!

Pass the flora from the landed properties

The red ball!

Found : 1 Red Ball. Saved in Equipment slot of the BackPack.

Continuing the journey down the canal!

A cool adventure

(Note: Photographic evidence to back up this ridiculous tale will be posted soon.)
It was was a day.
Yesterday's yesteray to be exact.
After going finishing up all the elements of our elementry mathematics paper.
That we decided.
That we knew.
Without a doubt.
Or a second thought.
That Clement,was going to start his post with a ridiculous introduction!!!
And so now the story begins....
==========Story starts here==========
'Clement! Lets take a shortcut to your house!' raged Jasper, tired out from walking up the miles of steep roads to my abode.

'Fine.' I muttered, and led the way through an underground path that cut through the deliciously fun roads.

Or in other words, we decided to follow a drain canal to find a shorter path to my house!
The drain canal contained a surprisingly large amount of flora, surprisingly, all dangling from the gardens of the landed properties that the canal went pass by.

'Clement! Where does this kanye west lead to?' asked Jasper inquiringly.

'No Jasper. Thats the singer who screwed up Taylor Swift onstage. This is the one water goes through.' I lectured patiently.

'OH! so this is the Grand Canyon?'exclaimed Jasper.

Clement facepalmed himself right about here.

Following the drain canal, Jasper grew bored.

'Clement, let's play ISPY! Let's see... I spy something with my little eye, something that flows...'

'Water.'

'Hah. Lucky guess.'

'Jasper. We are in a drainage canal.'

'Oh yeah! Figure this out then! I spy with my little ey something that evaporates into water vapor.'

'Water.'

'What the f***! Tyco! Okay this one own you! I spy with my little eye something...'

'Water.'

'...Clement?' Jasper asked timidly.

'Yes?'

'Can you read my mind...?'

The second facepalm of the day to Clement's face came here.

'Clement! I spy with my little eye something red!'

'Red water?' I answered, not paying attention.

'Haha i owned you punka** noob! Its a ball! Look, lodged between those railings.'

He pointed at a brand new champion's league ball.
With a flying-backflip-frontsomersault-tailspin-kickflip-nipslip-imba-hyper-combination, Jasper jumped up to the railing and found himself going home with a new ball.
And soon, Jasper learnt how to play soccer.
But that's a story for another time.
==========Story ends here==========

THE CLEMENT DAY ARRIVES

TODAY IS THE FOURTH OF SEPTEMBER, IN THE YEAR 2009. IT IS ALSO CLEMENT'S BIRTHDAY! OH MY GOODNESS, WHAT A COINCIDENCE. ALRIGHT. I, THE ALPHA NINJA, JASPER CHAN, ON BEHALF OF THE ENTIRE NINJA POPULATION, HEREBY WISHES THE OMEGA NINJA, CLEMENT LOH, A VERY HAPPY/JOYFUL/BLISSFUL/GLEEFUL/FOOLFUL BIRTHDAY! LOVE IS WITH YOU.

just a quick update

Wonderful night, everyone.

Today marks the start of our prelimary 2 examinations!
We had 2 papers, EL paper 1 and SS.
Due to our incomparable ninja knowledge, it went pretty well for both the omega ninja, Clement, and i.

Alright so we were feeling a little happy(and cheeky as well hehehe) for we had just defeated the most dreaded paper of all time(SS), and hence we decided to head over to Clement's house for some amusement and fun.
We = Brandon, Clement, Edgar, Eugene, Jasper, Ruihan, Shin Wei, Tzu Tai, Winston.

We decided to take a dip in the ultimate pool to refresh ourselves, but me and Ruihan didn't have the feel so we just sat by the poolside, reading and playing the guitar.
I myself was the photographer of the day! Got rather wet as everyone was jumping and diving, doing various stunts in the pool with a ball.
Clement's ball.
Clement's soccer ball!
HEHE.

Photos and videos will be up soon, so in the mean time, JUST FUCKING WAIT.
Oh by the way, Clement's "solve your own mysteries" book is really entertaining and interesting!

We then played with flat pebbles and had soooo much fun throwing them directly into the pool.
Okay THEY tried to make them skid.
Apparently only me and Clement, the mighty ninjas, have the power to do it the proper way.
With a calibrated tilt of the body and a swift flick of the wrist, we have the ability to send those fatal stones cutting through thin air at breakneck speed, skimming the surface of the swimming pool until it gradually comes to rest at an enormous distance far far away from where we stand.

okayokayokay so after the swimming pool fun, we squeezed into the sauna(heat chamber)!
We set the temperature to the highest and omgwtfbbqmmk we were being microwaved.
The hot air at the top was almost unbearable, and i tanked it for the entire time!
Siao one.

When we finally got out of the chamber, the significantly cooler air outside took away the heat on our bodies.
Shiok.
We had just been baked, literally.
All of us looked as if we just took a bath.
TOGETHER.
yumyum 9 little (half)naked boys hehehe.

After allowing the natural process of evaporation remove the salty fluids from our exterior bodies, we headed back to the omega ninja's house, then back to our individual homes.
This was the end of our day on cloud nine.
Thank you for your time.

BY THE WAY PLEASE TAG!
Show us some love. :D
not a very ninja post but, SUCK IT.
hard.
like how Clement does it.

The ninja advanture. Episode one.

The day started out normally.

Suddenly, a councillor came in and gave our scout, Clarinda Choo, a detention!!!!!

Clarinda ran out, and went to appeal!

Moments later, she rushed back and announced, that the enemy Master of Disciplined, Chong-san, was getting ready to launch a surprise raid on the classes!

Knowing that we had to make our move soon, Jasper and I escaped to the toilet, after getting past the new guard, or form teacher, of our class.

When we safely reached the bathroom, we met three other endangered students, Wei-Ge, Wei-Hao and Jia-June.

But, nature's call had to be answered, and we exercised our bowel muscles for a little while before making our next move.

After a while, the other 3 students and us parted ways.

Jasper and I made our way to the stairway above our class, so we could observe the proceedings that were going on.

Unfortunately, the other 3 students got captured, and were to be SHAVED!

Jasper and I could only watch in horror, as the rest of the males in the class were forcibly dragged out, and were attacked about their image, one by one...

Jasper and I continued around the area, searching for anyone we could warn about the check. Unfortunately, almost everyone had been lost.

We returned back to class soon after the raid had ended.

I knew that Chong-san was going to strike during recess, and remove our only break of the day. Thus, I told the alpha Ninja, Jasper, to lay low.

After recess, we heaved a sigh of relief, knowing that our ordeal was soon to be over.

Alas. It was not to be.

Apparently, someone had informed Chong-san that two students had escaped. Unscathed! With their hair!

This was too much for him to stomach.

He dashed up to our class and ambushed us!

Yelling for ' JASPER AND CLEMENT GO REPORT TO MADAM LAO!'

And he said this even though he could not see me, hiding behind the projector screen, or jasper, who was hunching over under his table.

It was obvious, that we had been sold out.

So with his eyes burning into our backs, we hesitantly walked to the doomed area.

On our way there, we ensured that photographic evidence was captured, so that no Ninja would ever walk the same path as us again.

At the foyer, we saw, the Boss. Madam Lao. She had been trained in the National Cadet Corps in her first few years in the school, and could destroy a Ninja's hair just by looking at it. Three times.

However, age was catching up to her, and her memory was failing.

We knew that if we were to escape, we had to do it now. And fast.

However, before we could make our escape, we noticed, Chong-san from the corner of our eyes. He was obviously waiting for us to make our move. And would take us down, if we tried to flee at all.

Not saying we did not try, we did a couple of times, and always ended up almost bumping into him.

So with no other choice, we consigned ourselves to our fate.

Let this be a warning to all other Ninjas.

PROTECT YOUR HAIR!

Note: This story and all names mentioned in it are fictional. If by any chance that coincide with any real life characters, it is just a coincidence. Thank you.

The adventure through the Hair-cutters. Episode one. Photos.

Spy snapshot of the barbers destroying the students

Jasper Chan! Ninja Alpha! Ready to do.

WHOOSH! Teleporting Jitsu thingy!( Thats why got blur!)

WTH! HE GOT SHAVED!

WTH! I GOT SHAVED!!!!!

Jasper! The right way to wear an Uber Ninja mask!

Madam Lao. Boss Monster. 3 Hit KO hair! But easy to avoid. Accuracy 15%

Saliya Lee?! With the butcher barbers?!!! Maybe a traitor to the ninja cause...

Desmond. A defeated person who go owned by the barbers. Observe his 0 hp hair.

Rui Han and Faris. Bravely awaiting their fate at the barber of doom!

lolxz

THE ALMIGHTY. THE ONE AND ONLY. THE WONDER. THE CLEMENT.

NEW SIOLXZ

omgwtfbbqlaomaofaommk i have a blog!